When your daily activities are in concert with your highest priorities, you have a credible claim to inner peace. – Hyrum Smith


Only Idiots...

would feed rice consistently and voluntarily to very small children. (Clearly this statement does not apply to parents in countries where it is a staple...Parents whose children are infinitely more proficient at getting it into their mouths than mine are.)

Last night, I convinced myself that leaving a thin covering of rice on my table, chairs and floors was not mere laziness...No! Cleaning up dried rice is much simpler than trying to wipe or sweep up sticky rice. I would sweep it before bed. Then "before bed" became "first thing in the morning." Well, by then I might just as well wait until after breakfast, so I could clean it up with the breakfast mess, right?

Did you know that cooked rice can completely dry out and then get wet and sticky and plump again? It's true! Just follow these simple steps:

Check and see if the coast is clear. (Read: Mom is on the phone in the other room.)
Stand on your chair.
Hold one plastic cup filled with milk as high above the table as you can.
Slap the milk puddle with your hand and joyously proclaim, "I'm making messes! I'm making messes!"


Moby Simber

Otherwise known as December. Sometimes the things Parker says are so cute, I just can't bring myself to correct him. I don't know why he thinks December is "Moby Simber," but I do know he can't wait for it to arrive.

Some of the other cute things he says/said are:

Ham-buh-burger = hamburger
Whoa-wee = Lowly (in a song about Jesus)
Nay-buh-dood = Neighborhood
Wuv = Love
Plah-bwum = Problem

I am sure more will come to me...


Grateful Idea

We have been trying to instill in Parker a sense of gratitude...especially around the holidays when we have such an abundance and so many people have so little. We remind him he needs to be grateful for what he has and to not constantly ask for more. This also extends to being grateful for the things he is allowed to do (e.g. be thankful for the half hour of t.v. I let you watch instead of whining for more). I'm not sure he's catching on....

Parker: Mom, let's go in there and see what's coming on [tv] and then read some books! Would that be a grateful idea?


Spin the Bottle

One afternoon, I asked Parker if he wanted to play a game.
"Sure!" he happily responded.
"What would you like to play?" I asked.
"Spin the bottle!"

My jaw dropped. Then I couldn't stop laughing. Where on earth had he heard about spin the bottle?

A few days later, I was reading an Arthur book to him...You know the series about the 8 year old aardvark? It was called Arthur's Birthday. A girl in his class, who is invited to the party, says something about playing spin the bottle.

I guess he remembered that phrase.

So now we have an alcohol-drinking, spin-the-bottle playing 2 year old boy who wants to go to Vagina. I might just win the Parent of the Year award.


A neighbor recently left a toy at our home. It is a thin, sticky, octopus-shaped thingy. We have been meaning to return it...Now, I think we'll replace it.

Today Parker was in the potty for an awfully long time. I asked his dad to check on him. He said he did. Later, I went in. Parker was just standing there. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was washing the toy because it fell into the potty.

I looked in the sink...nothing there. I peered in the potty....empty.

"Where is it?" I ask.

"There!" he replied, pointing. "I'm washing it!"

It was down inside the toilet brush container (with the brush on top).



Paging Grandma

Today, Aaron was chasing me around the house (great example for the kids), and I fell. I hurt my toes and was lying on the floor shouting out my complaints. Parker came over to help ("rescue") me. He began tugging on my arm, but I explained the pain was in my foot.

Parker: Oh, I'll call your mom!
Me (confused): You are going to call my mom?

He ran to his medical tool box and got out his pager. He pressed the button.

Parker: Your mom will come help you.
Me: You are going to call her to make me feel better? Is she coming now?
Parker: No, she'll be here in 3 hours.
Me: 3 hours?
Parker: Yeah. She's in service right now.

Ahh. Now I get it...Just like at church (where they page the parents when the kids need help). Well, mom, I'm waiting.


The Finger

Dinner was a struggle tonight. See previous posts for examples of mealtime misbehavior.
Tonight, when I corrected Parker, he shouted, "No!"
I explained that telling me "No," while I was correcting him was unacceptable and could lead to a time-out.

When I had to correct him again, he scrunched up his face, thrust his arm toward me and wagged his index finger.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"It means 'Nope!'" he replied.
I hid my smile and told Aaron he had come up with his own code for telling me "no."

Dinner continued.

"Look! I'm making crumbs!"
Aaron (my husband): "That's it. Time out."
On his way out of the kitchen, Parker glared at me, and gave me the finger again (index, of course).

How am I still the bad guy when dad disciplines???


You say Virginia, I say Vagina

The Farrs are wonderful family friends. Their son, Nolan, is nearly Parker's age. When they lived down the street, the boys played together several days a week. They were inseparable.

It was very difficult for all of us when they were relocated to Virginia, as Nolan's father is in the Coast Guard.

Recently, Parker told me he was sad. When I asked why, he told me, "Because Scott and Erin and Nolan moved to Vagina."

I hear it's pretty nice down there, buddy. Don't think they'll be coming back anytime soon.

Underage Drinking

Parker typically drinks apple juice. Recently we bought some cranberry-grape juice just to mix it up a little. Noticing its dark, purple color when I gave it to him at lunch, he asked, "Does this have alcohol in it?"

Let me explain...
Occasionally, my husband and I have a glass of wine with dinner. We told Parker it was "Mommy-daddy juice" and just for adults. Of course, that answer didn't satisfy him and he wanted to know why it was just for adults. We explained it had something in it called alcohol that was dangerous for children to drink.

So, I told him, "No," his juice did not have alcohol in it.
He insisted that it did.
I insisted that it didn't.
He sighed, and said in an exasperated voice, "Mom, I'm pretending!"

Great. What's next? Pretend keg-stands?


Wasting Food

During a snack, I noticed he was intentionally throwing Fruit Loops on the floor and smiling. I said, "What are we doing here?" His enthusiastic reply?
"We're wasting food!"
At least he's honest.

That reminds me of another story. He was in the backseat, and I had given him some Cheerios. Maddie was crying and reaching for them. I asked him to share some, as he can reach across the space between their carseats. I heard short loud exclamations: "Share! Share! Share!" I looked back in time to see him launching a Cheerio at her head in time with his next "Share!" I looked at her and noticed she was covered in cereal but happily munching away.
This is a perfect example of how he likes to obey on his own terms. :)

So Egocentric...

But I'm doing it anyway. Starting a blog. Swore I wouldn't do it. Said I didn't have the time, my life wasn't that interesting, it was too egocentric. But here's the thing - We live in Seattle. Nearly all of our family lives in Kentucky. And we had the audacity to have children...out here! Now everyone wants updates. I can understand that. I thought I was doing a pretty good job via Facebook. However, I keep getting hounded to start a family blog. So here it is.

See, I'm not really bitter about starting one. Because my son, Parker, is insane. He just turned 2 1/2 and he says the absolute craziest things. I don't want to forget them, but I don't know what happens to those old Facebook posts...Will I always be able to scroll back and read them? Will they *gasp* start making us pay for the service? I need a sapce where I can write this stuff down and keep it. And this way the grandparents, aunt and uncles can read it if they want. But guys, please don't feel like you have to respond. Seriously.

So, to give you an example of a Parkerism, a few days ago, I asked him to close a door upstairs. Me: Parker can you please close that door?
Parker: Um, no.
Me: Please?
Parker: Alright...(then, under his breath) Just doin' my job...All in a day's work.

The next day, I was upstairs, and I noticed he was downstairs and quiet (never a good sign).
Me: Parker, where are you, buddy?
Parker: I'm not down here eating none this candy!

And today,
Parker: I have a special key.
Me: Ooh, really? I'd like to see it...where is it?
Parker: (grunting and reaching where his hands do not belong). It's way down in my pants...It opens special things.

Oh dear.