Of course, I'm being sarcastic. In fact, after today's adventures, I'm not sure I should be allowed to supervise small children...ever.
While feeding the kids a highly nutritious lunch at "Old McDonald's," (as Parker likes to call it) I noticed Maddie's soiled diaper was starting to leak...down her leg and *gasp* onto the highchair.
That's when the frenzy began. Yanking Maddie out of the chair, I called for Parker, who was high in the play area tunnels. Despite a crowd of staring parents and children, I yelled to him that I needed to take Maddie to the bathroom immediately. Pointing to the green door nearby, I told him to knock if he needed us, and then ran for it, praying the mess wouldn't get all over my shirt (since I had only packed "emergency clothes" for the kids and not myself).
As soon as the door shut behind me, panic set in. The play area was filled with strangers. I was used to going to McDonald's Playland with friends. No one was out there to watch Parker. Surely a stranger was dragging him off right at that very moment. Frantically, I wiped Maddie down and changed her. It's a shame no one timed me, because I am sure I set some sort of poopy-diaper-changing record. We flew out the door.
"He's right there," a friendly father said, pointing. Relief washed over me. I set Maddie down and sank into a chair. Whew! Then I cringed, my eyes darting around the room...How many people had witnessed my reckless parenting? I lowered my gaze and set about scrubbing/sanitizing the highchair. When I looked up, Maddie was gone.
I had last seen her near the entrance to the tunnels. Surely she wouldn't have ventured up in there all by herself! She'd never gone up before...
I sent Parker in after her. He came down the slide a few seconds later. "Yeah, she's in there," he informed me nonchalantly. Sighing, I took my shoes off and climbed in after her. After navigating my way through several sticky tunnels (eww), I found her.
When we emerged from the slide a few moments later, we were greeted by the sound of Parker's cries. Not the whiny kind, but real, frightened cries. I couldn't see him anywhere. I panicked again.
The same friendly dad walked up and explained Parker was behind the shoe cubby. He was stuck between the netting that enclosed the Playland and the cubby. Apparently, Parker had watched a bigger girl climb on top, but when he tried to follow suit, he fell behind it. I tried to calm him, but he was in hysterics. He couldn't move or see anyone. I pulled his arms with all my strength, but his head was stuck. With the help of two strong dads, we tilted the massive cubby (bolted to the floor) away from the play area and extracted my sobbing child. I quickly gathered the diaper bag and kids, ducked my head, and made my getaway.
I hope I never see those parents again! Unfortunately, this McDonald's happens to be very near where we will live for the next few years. I hear Chik-fil-A has a nice indoor play area...