I ache. For the last 3-4 weeks, unless I am sitting fairly still, somewhere in my body, something hurts...a lot. I don't get it. Pregnancy has always kind of been my thing. In general, I have loved it. I don't get morning sickness, I love my hair, nails and skin, I love not trying to suck in my stomach for a 40-week stretch, etc. This time around, however, due to the physical pain, I just don't like it.
That is why, when I hoisted my enormous body into the van after my 39 week check-up, I was crying. I had been certain all of the late-night painful contractions were doing something. Wrong! "No change," the doctor smiled sweetly. "He just doesn't want to come out yet." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Afraid my smile looked more like a grimace or perhaps a sneer, I asked, "Well what if I want him to come out?" "Oh don't worry," she laughed, "we won't let him walk out of you. We'll induce you before you reach 41 weeks." Oh gee, what a relief! Thanks! I hobbled back to the van.
Then I had a revelation today. As I was holding Maddie on my lap and kissing the top of her head, I realized that if Jack had already been born, these precious two hours of cuddle-time with my 2 year old would likely never have happened.
My church recently built a new auditorium with big screens. As part of their summer outreach program, they have offered family-friendly movies every Wednesday morning to anyone who wants to come (complete with free popcorn and bottled water). Let's just say I've taken full advantage of this program.
I was extremely diligent [militant] with Parker's T.V. viewing when I was a new mom. He had absolutely no television until he was two, and then it was watched very sparingly (a 15 minute show before bedtime). He was only 18 months when Maddie arrived, so the television was a part of her little life before age 2 (what would the pediatrician say?!). These days, I can see the benefit of a more relaxed attitude toward the television (though I am still pretty anal about how much they are allowed to view).
Maddie could care less. She often skips her "show" altogether, preferring to read or work a puzzle instead. Parker, on the other hand, is glued to any flickering image with the drooling, open-mouth stare of a drug addict getting a fix. Taking him to the movies is a cinch. Maddie loses interest, and we end up in the lobby playing pretend, reading, or doing a puzzle [it's amazing what I can fit into my purse].
So, while the summer movies at church have been fun, they have not been quite as relaxing as I had hoped. If Grandma can't join us, Parker ends up whining in the lobby, or Maddie ends up whining in the auditorium.
Today was different, however. I don't know if it was the movie (Despicable Me), the warm blanket I'd packed [thank you, ginormous purse], or Maddie acclimating to longer viewing sessions [perish the thought!]. Whatever the reason, Maddie watched the entire movie. It was heaven. Not just the sitting down without having to move part (which was also greatly appreciated), but the cuddle-with-Maddie-for-2-straight-hours part. Not since she was an infant has she been in my arms for that long a stretch. I rubbed her soft arms, smelled her hair, kissed her head. It brings me to tears knowing that my arms will be full of another person soon. As much as I can't wait for that to happen (and to be free of all this discomfort), I am so grateful for the blessing of today and the precious time spent holding my girl.