Mmmm...sounds yummy, right? I thought so when I was a kid. Well, not exactly. I thought that a green bean milkshake would be preferable to plain old green beans. Needless to say, I was wrong.
See, I was having a power struggle with my parents over food. I. hate. green. beans. Specifically, I hate canned green beans (which is what we always ate). I should say it's what my family always ate while I sat stubbornly, arms folded across my chest, making the most disgusted expression I could muster each time they were served. How I loved our beagle, who ate more than his fair share of my regurgitated, coughed from mouth to napkin, slipped under the table beans. I was not nearly as slick as I imagined, and soon my parents were watching my every move. It all came to a head one fateful night...the night of the green bean milkshake. I still shiver when I think about that blender full of green mush...
Our family had recently been on a milkshake kick. We often had milkshakes for breakfast, some fruit, milk, a little sugar, and voila! A yummy, easy meal. Using my preadolescence reasoning skills, I deduced that adding milk and sugar to any food and blending it to the consistency of a shake would greatly improve the dining experience. I happened to be wrong.
After sitting at the table for nearly an hour, refusing to eat my beans, I finally asked my parents if I could do anything I wanted to my beans if I promised to eat them all. Yes! They breathed a sigh of relief that the standoff was nearing an end. When I announced my plans to make a green bean milkshake, I could see their pathetic attempts to hide the grins. Ha! I'd show them! I'd eat every last green bean, whipped up into a delicious concoction. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?
I pureed the beans and added a tiny bit of milk and a teaspoon of sugar, then sampled. Hmmm...still tasted like crap - I mean, green beans. Must need more milk and sugar. Repeat. Repeat. You get the idea. Pretty soon I had an entire blender full of milky, sugary, green sludge. And my brother chanting, "You have to drink it all! You have to drink it all!" I got through about half a glass, grimacing, nearly vomiting, when my mom, shoulders shaking from laughter put an end to my misery and allowed me to pour the rest down the drain. I don't remember ever complaining about green beans again.
Now things have come full circle. Jack hates green beans. Actually, he pretty much rejects any green vegetable I introduce. I am so sick of opening up a jar of baby food, grinning and talking like an idiot just to get him to open his mouth, only to have him immediately spit out the food I just inserted. Grrr.... I have tried every brand I can find. I have tried mixing it with baby cereal. No luck.
I even bought fresh beans, cleaned them, steamed them, pureed them, strained them, etc. They were lovely. Fresh, bright green, sure to be a hit.
Nope. Now it was personal. So you reject the Gerber brand. I can understand that; it looks gray and disgusting. So you spit out the Earth's Best Organic [ridiculously expensive for a tiny jar] brand, no problem. But, excuse me, did you just spit out the homemade-I-slaved-in-the-kitchen-for-hours[okay, 30 minutes]-fresh-batch of beans? I don't think so, pal. I'm winning this battle. Deja vu... Wonder what my parents were thinking lo those many years ago?
So in my desperation to have him eat a wholesome meal [read: win], I made a green bean milkshake. Well, not exactly. I added some baby oatmeal and baby pear juice. And guess what? I won!
Then, of course, 20 minutes later he had the last laugh when I had to change his diaper. Curse you, pear juice!