We have a Jessie the Cowgirl toy from the Toy Story 2 movie. You pull the string on her back, and she responds with lots of lively, twangy sayings.
When you were born, it was her voice I heard in my head: "It's you! It's you! It's you! You're here!" That is exactly how I felt. I was ecstatic! All during my pregnancy it was as if I were waiting for the other shoe to drop. I already had three, happy, healthy, wonderful kids. Who was I to try for another? I have had so many friends who have suffered devastating losses through miscarriages or the early death of a child. Even more who have had issues with infertility and have been anxiously waiting for months or years to experience the joys of parenthood.
I will never understand God's ways. I know that I have done nothing to deserve the blessings of my children. I recognize that they are gifts, not promises. The length of time we will have together on this earth is even outside of my control. So, I try to cherish every moment.
And with you, sweet Caleb, it's so easy! Everything about you makes me fall in love with you. Your silky dark hair, skin as soft as velvet. Your very chubby cheeks and cherub lips. Your teeny tiny ears and long toes. The way you take hurried breaths and squeak and sigh. The way your soulful, blue-gray eyes search mine. Your neck that begs to be nuzzled. Even your cries are music to my ears. I am so beyond grateful that you are here safe and sound. Holding you in my arms is absolute heaven.
Hindsight is 20/20. I know I had a rough time transitioning into motherhood. Still, I wish I had known and appreciated the fleeting precious days of a newborn's life when I was a new mom. I am so very thankful God has given me the chance to experience this multiple times. I suppose I am a slow learner. But now that you are here, son, I really, finally get it. And though I am bone tired, I am smiling with tears in my eyes.
Born 7/10/13 at 2:42pm
21 inches long