When your daily activities are in concert with your highest priorities, you have a credible claim to inner peace. – Hyrum Smith


6/11/17

Long Gone

Happy birthday, Parker.  I know your birthday is long gone.  The streamers have been torn down for ages.  Not a cupcake sprinkle remains.  The thank you notes have been written (but not sent because that part is on me, and clearly, I'm a bit behind).  So why have I not written your annual birthday post?  Is it because we are in the midst of planning an international move?  Is it because we spent every day of the first official week of summer break at VBS?  Is it because I forgot?

Nope.  None of those.  It's because I'd rather be a momma ostrich, sticking her head in the sands of time.  The same sand that seems to be slipping through my fingers.  Suddenly I see a man-child in front of me with thicker arms, a head that nearly reaches my shoulders, and a sometimes serious expression on his beautiful face.  Where is that itty-bitty baby whose little feet refused to stay stuffed in their impossibly tiny socks?

On your birthday, we were driving somewhere, and I thanked you for making me a mom.  Maddie laughed and said, "But mom, you've been a mom for 34 years."  [We're just gonna go on letting her believe I'm 5 years younger, k?]  "No," I replied, "I've only been a mom for 10 years."

"So you're only ten years old?" the kids giggled.

"I guess you could say that.  I'm only ten mom years old...That's why I make so many mistakes.  I'm still trying to figure it out."

No one laughed.  Looking in the rearview mirror, I could see the wheels turning.  What was meant to be a joke was in reality, truth.  I do still make so many mistakes.  Sometimes I give bad advice.  I lash out when I'm angry or stressed.  I complain.  Some days I use guilt trips to get my way.  I am, in many ways, still a child.

And you?  You love me.  You wrap your big boy arms around me, and squeeze me tight.  Just a tilt of my chin and I can kiss the top of your head.  When I ask for forgiveness, you immediately extend grace.  At 10 years old, you have more EQ than some folks will have in a lifetime.  You are tender-hearted, compassionate, funny, serious, generous, and forgiving.  You love spending time with family, hanging out with friends, collecting Fidget Spinners, building Legos, coordinating Nerf wars, riding your bike, and playing video games.

Sometimes you seem to be trying to find your place in this world.  It's hard to tell what's "normal" when you've moved around so much and when you are trying to compare yourself with kids from all over the globe.  While it breaks my heart to see you struggle at all, I know God has a perfect plan for you.  I'm really happy for you about your decision to get baptized.  It's just one step in following in the footsteps of Jesus.  I trust that if you continue to follow Him, He will make your path straight.

I love you like crazy, kid.  Thank you, again, for making me a mom.

Love, Momma

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