You'll notice a break. A lapse in the birthday posts. I told myself...when the school year starts and the house is quiet...that's when I'll "catch up." Well, school started months ago, and here we are.
I'm not so sure I will catch up now. Caleb turned 8, then 9, and we are well into his 9th year. Jack turned 10, then 11. Parker is 15, and Maddie will soon be 14. And the sun rises and sets, the clothes turn in the washer, the finger nails grow and are trimmed.
There was a break in the recording but not in the life. Though I suppose you could say there was a break in that, too, depending on your definition of "break." There was COVID. There was my breakdown/awakening. There was an international move. There were a lot of disruptions to our daily lives.
But isn't that exactly how life works? I don't know. I just know it's how our lives seem to work. Nothing is stagnant. We move a lot. We find new spots for all the things...the beach towels and backpacks, the Q-tips and screwdriver, the stuff of life. We don't have a junk drawer. Because our "junk" is ever changing, constantly being recycled or given away. I like to know where things go - a place for everything and everything in its place.
So when I have a mental junk drawer, a to-do list that has gone too long undone, I have trouble finding rest. And my self-imposed pressure to make annual birthday posts has created enough unrest in me that I find myself trying to find a solution. So this is it. This is my catch-up. I will not attempt to go back and recreate the years I've missed, but instead, I'll offer a snapshot of now.
Caleb. Where to begin? When I wake you in the morning with a kiss on your cheek, you immediately throw an arm around my neck, holding me close, pinning me to your soft cheek. And I breathe you in -all of lovely little you. Your tousled dirty-blond hair and twinkling blue eyes. You dance with abandon, tell terrible "dad" jokes, love your video games and best friend, Henrique. You are always up for going out, trying new foods, doing new things. You have a strong sense of justice and become upset quickly when things seem unfair, which they often do, as you are the youngest. You love to play pingpong with dad and card games with mom. You are super-smart and incredibly loving. You miss your TX friends but were very open-minded about the move. It was tough, but I'd say you're settling in quite well. You are my joy.
Jacky-Jack. You are still the most creative person I've ever met. You play "imaginary" and host your own private dance parties in your room, running and jumping, and battling creatures only you can see. Transitioning into middle school has not been easy, but you are putting forth all the effort we could ever hope for. You are so smart and witty and have made some very special friends. I know it was hard for you when Zach moved away. You had a special bond, like the one you had with your friend, Graham, in Kentucky and Maddie in Texas. Sometimes I worry that people won't understand or appreciate your uniqueness, but you have proven time and time again that my fears are unfounded. You always find your tribe. You had a lovely 11th birthday party at the house and invited girls and boys, all of whom love you. You continually try to convince me to let you "go bald." One day you got your wish when dad was trimming your hair and the guard slipped off. Your soft, short hair is so fun to rub that it has even caused some problems (since everyone wants to rub it). I'm glad I still hold that special place in your life where I can rub it as much as I want. You curl up into my lap, I rub your head and read the Dragon Assassin series to you. Holding you is still one of my favourite pastimes. You are my heart.
Maddie-Claire. Baby girl. You are so not a baby anymore. As tall as I am with flowing wavy hair and a gorgeous, brace-free smile, you seem to be so much older than 13. You didn't just come out of your shell, you shot out of it like a rocket. You made a conscious decision to make more friends during this move. Your best friend, Julia, moved to a new school this year. It was painful but you rallied yet again and have become a friend to many more people this year, including upperclassmen. You are in Mama Mia and have even helped to teach the choreography to the the newer students. You excel in school and have discovered your own funny, sassy side. No longer a people-pleaser, you are thoughtful about others' feelings while still honoring your own needs. This is a huge strength and will serve you well in life. You are your own person. I love that you are exploring your spirituality and asking big questions, studying the Bible but not taking it at face value. You have so many thoughts and opinions and feelings, and it's a blessing to have a front row seat as I watch your life unfold. You are my treasure.
Parker. Fourteen is not an easy age to make an international move. Though exciting at first, we were quickly slapped with the realities of culture shock, language barriers, and a whole new way of life. Leaving TX as the top of your game, voted VIP in the school's athletic program, surrounded by friends and adoring teachers, you sailed into Switzerland on a cloud. Then came the storm. You were (are) so so brave. You are so good, down to your core. You found it baffling that people could be mean or cold or rude, and it ripped my heart out to see you struggle through it. You pinned your hopes on summer and a month "home" in Texas with friends, all the while dutifully, diligently building relationships here. You tried and excelled at rugby, learning the French-speaking coach's commands. You created friend groups based on mutual interests, resisting the drinking and drug culture that is so pervasive here. You met a sweet girl. Summer meant fun times with old friends and an awesome church camp, but by the end of it you were actually ready to return to your life here. You see the beauty in the mountains, you have become a leader in your school, you are thoughtful, respectful, and kind. Ever-changing, out of my control, wonderful to watch and to love - You are my dream.
Words will never capture you kids. They are simply inadequate. I hope one day reading these posts will bring back fond memories for you...that you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are fully loved, and not just by dad and me but by the One who created you. Not a single tear goes unnoticed. No small act of kindness is overlooked. You are seen and known and completely cherished.
Love,
Mom
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