Ever notice how a really good joke usually contains some small grain of truth? That's what makes it so funny. Well, I've heard people joking for years about how to clean off really filthy children: "Just hose 'em off!"
"Ha ha!" I would laugh politely, certain that no decent parent would subject their darling children to such treatment. Clearly this was just a harmless little joke...
However, today in the Rausch household, that joke became a reality.
Maddie has a sinus infection which we are treating with antibiotics. I had forgotten what that medicine will do to a little person's tummy. Sometimes they just can't make it to the potty. When I spotted Maddie in the driveway sans pants prancing in a puddle of, well, you can guess, I freaked out.
"Uh-oh," she murmured, calmly wiping her toes off with her fingers, then wiping her fingers on her shirt. (Ughhh!)
"Don't move!" I bellowed, as I ran for the hose. If our neighbors weren't looking before, they certainly were now. "Stand back!" I shouted at the kids. Adjusting the nozzle to "obliterate", I scoured all evidence of the mess off the driveway. Holstering my weap - er, nozzle, I turned my attention toward Maddie. I plastered a smile on my face and attempted to mask the undoubtedly hysterical edge in my voice, as I beckoned her toward the hose.
Thank goodness she came. We were already a sight to behold. I can only imagine the CPS calls if I had wrestled her to the concrete or chased her around the yard dousing her with water.
As she assumed the position, bare bottom raised high in the air, palms on the ground, I began to laugh. I laughed so hard I could barely control the hose. When did this become my life? I couldn't believe that I was hosing poop off my daughter's bare bottom in the middle of our driveway in broad daylight for all the world to see!
On the gentlest setting, we rinsed her off and took her in for a bath. She was back outside and playing again in no time.
No calls from the authorities yet. I suspect more than a few parents have hosed off their children. I feel like I've just been let in on a private joke, and I'm still chuckling!